Thursday, October 17, 2013
Baby or blubber!?
Decided I should probably grab a 'belly shot' sooner rather than later so I had something to compare it too at the end. I'm still not convinced that much of this is baby... in fact the ratio is probably more likely 80% fat, 20% uterus! lol
But I am definitely feeling more 'pregnant' lately. I am already starting to waddle when I get out of bed in the morning and my body realigns itself after tossing and turning all night thanks to those pesky pregnancy dreams (last night's was set in medieval times, that was interesting). I had been feeling little fluttery movements, but haven't noticed them as much this week. We have been really busy with the business though. Oh - and I've discovered that if I get out of the car too fast, I make the round ligament pain under my belly SO much worse! This is another of those things that I'd forgotten about from the last pregnancies - it seems to be specifically associated with this 4month stage where the uterus is big enough to emerge from the pelvis, and a lot of stretching and growing is going on. It's probably not really 'pain', just a tight, uncomfortable feeling. But this too will pass.
I am part of an online surrogates community now too. Which is a little bizarre to me. I'm not normally good with online groups of people, prefering to do things solo or just keeping my actual friendship/family group close. But it has been incredibly eye-opening to read through other women's experiences - and to learn a lot of 'what-not-to-do' situations!
Actually, the biggest benefit I've taken from the group is how similar all of our experiences have been. I had assumed that I was alone in my experience of not having everyone in my frienship network agree with what I was doing - but in actual fact nearly every surrogate on the group has had the same thing happen. And it's nearly the exact same wording/concerns these people express too:
'I think it's selfish of you to do this'
'What about the impact to your family? Did you think of that?'
'You should only do this for family, not friends'
'You're only doing this to grab for attention'
You haven't supported me in my hard time, now you're too busy with the surrogacy'
'You're never going to be able to give up the baby'
'I have a feeling something bad is going to happen'
'I don't agree with the process. I think it's wrong. They should just accept that they can't have kids'
One poor surrogate was getting this kind of bullshit from her twin sister! Angry that the surrogate pregnancy had coincided with her accidental pregnancy, and that the attention wasn't all on her.
I don't have any solutions to this strange phenomenon, but do find it really curious. I've struggled a lot with my own personal situation of this after being confronted and subsequently 'unfriended' by someone I'd known for over 16yrs - and actually least expected this from. But decided quite a while ago that I was giving too much weight to the negative minority at the expense of the positive and supportive majority. (It's always the way though - you can have 100 people support you on something, but it only takes one negative voice in the croud to plant the seed of doubt and shake your focus).
Perhaps the trick is to see the single negative voice for the weight it actually has, rather than prioritising it so much and giving it a greater power then it deserves. Easier said then done in a lot of situations (especially when this voice is coming from your twin!) - but everything is a journey. A process. And this is just another expected bump in the road.
Who knows what the future holds...