Monday, December 30, 2013

A reflection on 2013

At the beginning of this month it occurred to me that it had been exactly a year since I'd set out to learn more about being a surrogate. And here I was 3/4 of the way through a surrogate pregnancy!

If someone had told me this time last December that I'd spend the next Christmas/New Year period 6-7 months pregnant with a surrogate baby, I honestly don't know if I would have believed them! I would have been pretty chuffed and excited, but I didn't expect things to happen as quickly and simply as they did. Everything that I'd read suggested that the process could take years. And I think heading into a journey like this, especially for the parents of baby, there is no set timeline so it does feel like an expanse of unknown.

How long will it take to find a surrogate, or an egg donor? How long will it take to go through counselling and the legal paperwork? How long until the first embryo transfer can get underway? How long until we know if the pregnancy has taken? How long until you can try again? How far into a pregnancy do you wait before you relax?

And then all of a sudden you have a due date. A baby is on the way. A very real, very tangible little human being.
(Christmas Eve @ 26wks) 

Someone who wouldn't have existed if so many situations and circumstances hadn't come about first. It's hard not to try and put too much 'greater meaning' on things like this... but it really does feel like a giant mix of magic, luck and fate!

I wonder how different my year would have looked if I hadn't decided to seriously research surrogacy last December? Certain people would probably still be in my life, but certain people wouldn't. I would no doubt be making all manner of inane New Years resolutions right now. I'd probably be wishing to loose weight (while finishing off the Christmas mince pies, boxes of chocolates and wine!), resolving to walk the dog more frequently, planning a family holiday for 2014, considering a move to a more rural location to bring up the kids, and most probably lamenting the fact that I didn't feel like I'd achieved anything of worth this year.

But things ARE different this year. I feel like I've spent my time well. That I am doing something of worth. It's not going to solve any world crisis, but it will make the world of difference to a mum, and a dad, and a little boy and their whole extended family/friendship network.

So I don't think I'll worry about resolutions for 2014! This journey isn't over yet - in fact the best is still to come. Bring on 2014. Bring on the birth of this little man. Bring on being able to see him in the arms of his family. Bring on watching him grow up.

And maybe then I'll set about about loosing that weight.

And walking the dog!

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