Sunday, January 5, 2014
I was attempting to get to sleep last night, when out of no where I suddenly remember that in order to get this baby boy OUT of me - I'm going to have to give birth!
I honestly think I'd managed to shut down that part of the process in my mind since my last post about birth anxieties back at the start of the pregnancy. Up until this point I think my attitude had become a little like 'oh, the birth is AGES away still, nothing to stress about yet'. But - if I do deliver a little earlier than the due date (as all of my dreams have been telling me I will), labour might only be another 8 weeks away.
Which is REALLY SOON! lol
So, after a little quiet freak out in bed, stressing about not remembering what I'll need to pack in a hospital bag, what I'll wear for delivery (I don't think I'll be going naked this time! lol), how I'll cope with possibly doing contractions in the car on the way to hospital (something I've never had to do before!), what would happen if baby comes even faster then my son's 3.5-4hr labour, what if we don't get to hospital in time, what if I get baby-goo all through the IPs car, what if I bleed after delivery again and we're not at the hospital....
You know, just your basic labour-freak out thoughts.
So I got up. Got a drink of water and peed for the 100th time that day. Put the aircon on, and went back to bed determined NOT to think about birth right then. Which surprisingly worked. But I resoloved to start looking into what I'll need for a hospital bag today. I think physically doing something constructive like that will help.
I'm actually surprised at myself that the 'hospital bag' has become such a huge focus. I didn't even think about it with my first until I was about 37wks pregnant. And with my second I don't even remember packing one... but I must have! Maybe it was because the focus was on what I'd need for the baby the last two times, whereas this time I'm only packing for myself?
Or maybe it's just less confronting to focus on the hospital bag rather then the impending pain and uncertainty of delivery?
It may also be in part due to the fact that I made a quick visit to the birth suites earlier this week after noticing that baby hadn't been moving as much as usual. While waiting for the midwives to come and take me through for monitoring, another young couple were also waiting and she was most definitely in early labour. There really is nothing quite as confronting as watching someone else experience the same pain that you too will be feeling in a matter of weeks/months.
(They checked baby and he was perfect. They think that he may have finally moved position to be laying head down, bum up now, which is why the patterns of movement have changed. I'm definitely not getting the same 'storms' of kicking that I was previously, but he's still letting me know he's there!).
So, I don't really have any resolutions for this post. Mainly because there can't be any just yet. But I am going to have to start preparing myself psychologically for this birth rather then pushing it aside. It is going to hurt. It will be messy. But I know my body can do it.
And in parting I will leave you with a quote from one of my hubby's favourites movies... 'oh yes, there will be blood!'.