Limbo

Had the second growth scan on friday. At 36wks, 2 days this baby boy's head is measuring 40wks, 2 days. The rest of him (legs, belly etc) sit between 38-39wks on average. They didn't give me a weight estimate (I don't think they wanted to freak me out any more!).

His head was nice and low and he kept true-to-form and kicked the sonographer throughout the whole scan. It made her job of measuring his leg bones interesting! My blood pressure was actually normal at this appointment too. I was quite surprised as my home readings have been all over the shop during the week. My bloods and urines were all totally normal, and basically the conclusion was that this baby is totally happy in there, not affected by my blood pressure at all and that we now just wait out the next few weeks until he wants to come out!

They did explain that they would like to schedule an induction on the 39th-40th week, so that I'm not going past the due date of April 2nd. I would very much like to go into labour spontaneously before then though!

It's a funny old head-space you find yourself in during these last weeks. You are actually looking forward to those first twinges of labour pain, and analysing every little niggle. Last night was particularly uncomfortable and restless, and my pregnancy brain decided that someone had given the baby a toy train to play with inside my tummy, which is why it was hurting so much! Made perfect sense in my dreams! :P

I've started expressing small amounts of colostrum this week too. Just when I feel full/achey which is about every second day or so. I'm not getting heaps, probably 20-30mls per time, but newborns don't need a lot for their first few feeds - so we might have enough to see him through his first 24hrs? It also takes the pressure off me after he's born, and makes the option of feeding him colostrum so much simpler for his parents too. I won't need to be expressing right then and there, and they can just defrost it and feed him when they want to. I figure my body is making it regardless, why not use it. Plus the extra stimulation from expressing might just help kick start labour?!

It's funny though, a part of me would be quite happy to go into labour today. But then another part of me is kind of like 'don't wish away the experience'. It's so easy to take something for granted when it is your life 24hrs a day. But I know as soon as my belly is empty and I am not getting those little shoves and jabs at all times of the day and night, I'll probably miss it. It feels a lot like waiting in limbo at the moment though - not knowing if I am going to go into labour soon. Or if my body will hold on right up until the start of April and need to be induced? And all the unknowns around exactly what will happen after he's out, how I'll feel/act, how my family will feel/act, how his family will feel/act, all the 'red tape' we'll still need to sort out in preparation for the parentage order/registering his birth etc. It really gets a bit overwhelming if I try to 'sort it out' in my mind. So I've just been avoiding thinking about it! I'm focused on the next step right now - which for me is labour. This is the last physical thing I really need to do in this process.... and even though I realistically only have limited control over it, it's MY thing. So I'll prepare and plan and research and focus my energy there.