Friday, April 11, 2014

All in a week.

This week has been a rather mixed bag of emotions.

On Sunday Zander's parents put on a BBQ and invited myself, hubby and our two kids, Zander's egg donor, her hubby and four kids, my mum, step-dad, youngest brother and sister and my grandmother. It was a full afternoon of gorgeousness. We'd never had everyone together in the same space before, but it was so comfortable and natural and everyone got on beautifully. The kids played, Zander's mum did an easter egg hunt, his dad cooked the steak and we enjoyed the beautiful weather.

I got to hold Zander for the first 20mins or so as people arrived. He fell asleep in my arms and snuggled in like a little koala. It was so nice to have that time with him. I wondered if I'd feel strange watching everyone at the BBQ hold him, but I honestly didn't. I handed him over to my mum when she arrived, and she got her first cuddle. Then he went to his egg-donor's hubby for a cuddle, then got held by her kids, then fed his bottle by his egg donor, then cuddles with my daughter, cuddles with my little sister and finally cuddles with my grandmother as well!!

I actually think that it was incredibly important for my family to have been there for the BBQ. They watched my belly grow... and then all of a sudden it was gone and the baby was with his parents. That afternoon gave them a chance to interact with his parents, hold the baby and see first hand how much he meant to his mum and dad. Something I could have talked about until I was blue in the face, but still wouldn't have had the same impact as actually being there.

(my daughter holding Zander after his nappy change)

 (My youngest sister having her cuddles with bub)

(My grandmother and Zander)

On Monday I had a doctors appointment to check my hemoglobin levels again (my lowest reading was 76 in hospital the day after Zander was born. They'd hit 78 by the saturday we left hospital, and on Monday they were up to 97! Slowly getting there! {the normal range is 115-160}). I met up with my student midwife for the appointment and we popped in to visit Zander and his parents briefly as well. 

It was actually really theraputic to be able to talk through the birth and all the associated drama with my student midwife. I think it was especially important to get her validation of how well I'd handled the labour, how well my body had done getting Zander out safely, but also how serious things had become following the retained placenta drama. She spoke about watching the bed get wheeled out of the room and noticing that I'd gone into shock and not knowing if she should stay with the baby or go with me. The conversation gave me the space to revisit some of the emotions I was still holding onto from the birth, and allowed me to process through them over the course of the next few days. 

On Tuesday baby's parents popped over briefly to drop in some groceries that they couldn't take back home with them, and to say our goodbyes before they flew home the next day. I didn't want a big deal made out of the goodbye, and I don't think they did either. So we kept it short and sweet. 

(Zander and his big brother leaving our place on Tuesday)

On Wednesday Zander's dad drove their car and all their belongings the 1000km+ back home, and Zander's mum, brother and grandma flew home. I kept busy with household chores, but still felt a little melancholy that the time with them living so close and being so accessable had come to an end. We would still be catching up on facebook and through txt messages each day though, so it was by no means 'THE END'! I think I was just feeling a little dramatic that day. 

On Thursday an article I had written about the surrogacy process was published on the online media page 'Mamamia'. This was huge, and I got a lot of messages of support and lots of positive feedback. I had been bracing myself for some negativity/trolls (there's usually always SOMEONE), but the overwhelming response was amazing. I was plesantly surprised, and feeling quite chuffed. 

So all in all, it was a full week, but a positive one. Zander is home with his family (his mum sent me these photos recently. It looks so lovely up there. And now we continue on with our lives as we wait for a court date to complete the parentage order. I'm really looking forward to watching Zander change through the photos his mum sends me... and hanging out for that first smile captured on camera!

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